I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
