How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
