I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I FOUND THE LEGS
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
