The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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