I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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