Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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