There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
