until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
