its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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