I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
