So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
