Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
