Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
only if we run a train.
done.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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