I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
