I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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