i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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