??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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