I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
