After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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