Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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