i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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