How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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