By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
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The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
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Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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