Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
