White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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