I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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