i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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