Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
