Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
