Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
