if only i could text you this smell
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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