Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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