I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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