pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
