So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
