you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Randomize
