Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
