We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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