Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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