It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
