well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
