Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
