Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
