Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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