you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
