I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
