she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
