You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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