I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
