I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
