Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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