When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
