Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
