that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
