she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
