I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
