These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
then he tried to convert me to islam
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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