I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
