while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
