apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
